Mom Friends

Do you ever wonder if another mom in this world is thinking the same as you or going through the same thing as you? Chances are there are several other mothers going through what you're going through, or feeling what you're feeling.

You know those feelings of loneliness, guilt, and being overwhelmed? You're not alone, Mama! I think it's fair to say that most mom's out there go through a whirlwind of emotions. First time mom's, 2nd time mom's, and mom's of multiples. It's tough to be a mom. And for you mom's doing it all on your own, I honestly don't know how you survive!? I went a little crazy last night. You see, My boyfriend and I make a great time, a wonderful team! We team up on everything. If I'm cooking, he's watching her in the living room. If one of us is showering, the other is with Olivia. Everything we do, we do as a team. I honestly don't give my boyfriend enough credit for how much he helps me. My anxiety and OCD get the best of me at times. He works 10-12 hour shifts and comes home and is dad until Olivia sleeps. I feel very lucky and very fortunate to have his help with everything. The beautiful thing is that he doesn't see it as helping out or watching our daughter. He just knows it his responsibility as a dad. Just like I know it's my responsibility as a mom to do all that I do. He's not a dad who babysits. He's a dad, period. And he is damn good at it.

But getting back to my point. Last night I had to do everything on my own. And I almost lost it. In that moment I was wishing I had another mom friend who I could just call and be like Girl, I'm losing my shit. Talk to me. Pleeeease. It's a lonely world being a mom without any close friends.

Before having Olivia, I had my close friends. Some got busy, other's I guess didn't want to be friends with a mom. Because they led different lifestyles and I wasn't about that lifestyle anymore. It hurt to lose these friends. It really did. And if any of them are reading this now. Know that I reached out to y'all several times. And it's honestly sad that you didn't want to be a part of my life anymore. But that's how you realize who your true friends are. With that being said. I have some mom friends. But none that are close, just friends who i catch up with every now and then. And then I have my best friend, but she lives far away and I hardly get to see her. But, I miss her everyday and think about her often. It's a lonely world some days. I wish I had other mom's to talk to or to just vent to each other about the daily mom struggles. Someone who understands those crazy emotional roller coasters. Someone who equally would love to enjoy a glass of wine together after our kiddos are sleeping. I miss all of that. I expressed to my boyfriend the other day how lonely I feel at times in this aspect. To go from having friends and people you could call and talk to etc, to not having any of that, has been really hard for me. I understand it happens when you become a mom. But here is where I want to gather all my mom acquaintances and be like can we all just pop open a bottle and pick up some toys around the living room together?

I am here to say that having friends as a mom is a must. We need it to stay sane. We need the little social life. We need to stay strong as women and stay equal. I'm all about uplifting each other. Women judge each other far too much in a world that has enough judgment as it is. Let's just drink some wine together and share a little laugh. For any mom's in need of a glass (or bottle) of wine or wanting to do a play date. I am reaching out to you here. Let's do it.

Mom's, there is no reason you should ever not have a friend to talk to. It's the only way we'll stay sane, after all.

In honor of #nationalbestfriends day. to my bestie Sarah, I wish you could move back here, I miss you too much!

-TinyHumanTamer

Finding Balance & Taming Anxiety

Balance. It's the essence of life. Sometimes it's tranquil and other times it's chaotic. But in all it's glory, I believe balance is what makes life flow.

For the longest time I had so much trouble with balance. At one point I believe i had it, but it was at the cost of not doing much outside of the house. Since having Olivia, it's been hard to find that balance; the medium if you will. Her 1st year of life was the hardest to find balance. I am a woman of routine and obviously it's tough to keep routine with a growing and changing baby. So naturally, finding the balance seemed impossible. 

Not until recently have I found more sense of a balance. But it took making a big change in my life to do so. I recently had a huge health scare and honestly I'm still recovering. I thought something serious was wrong with me. I turned out to be not so serious but serious enough to make me change. I had a scary panic attack brought on by anxiety and stress. It was a terrifying feeling. 

Let's rewind a bit. I have always had anxiety. More recently, my anxiety has completely taken over my life, or more like I subconsciously let it. It's been a tough road. It's caused a strain on my life, my relationship and even being a mom. So since it was getting so bad, it inadvertently led to the life changing event. Both a serious panic attack with intense chest pain that lasted days, a terrible reaction to an anxiety medicine, and a very painful stomach ulcer.

It was complete torture for about a week to two weeks. I have just now begun to feel somewhat normal. But since all this happened I have been searching for more natural ways and methods to help my anxiety. 

Here's a list of what I have been doing and what has worked greatly:

• Meditation - It's something I used to do all the time when I was single, and for the life of me I don't know why I ever stopped. 
• Essential Oils - Just look them up. They really do work wonders. 
• Taking things one day at a time - For my own sanity.
• complete change in diet - Not dieting, just cut out all the bad food and started eating better, healthier food. It changes your energy levels, your overall persona and your digestive track. 
• Learning to breath through my diaphragm and also thinking of something positive when I feel the stress/anxiety coming on. 
• Doing things that make me happy - because it revitalizes your soul in so many wonderful ways. 
• Time for me - because every person needs it.

I literally take things one day at a time. I want to the best partner to my boyfriend. I want to be the best mom that is 100% there in every way for my baby girl. But most importantly I want to be the best me. I once was at a time in my life where I loved everything about myself. As in self-love and knowing my self-worth. I used to write all about how learning to love yourself first is so vital and important to living your best life. I used to write to my fellow twenty-somethings that learning to love yourself completely was the single best thing you could do for yourself. Because in doing so, your are doing the best service to your mind, body and soul. 

I am revisiting all of this. Because somehow, I lost my way. I lost my self-worth. I forgot how to love myself. I forgot what it all meant and where it all began. I was doing an injustice to myself and to my family. Because if I'm not at my best, then how could I be the best for them? I needed a sense of balance, I needed to learn to take control of my anxiety. I needed to take back my life. 

I have begun to do so. I am finding that balance. With the amazing support of my wonderful boyfriend and everyone around me, I am taking back my life. It is so important to never forget yourself. Never forget your worth or how much you are capable of loving yourself entirely. I lost my way there for some time, but I  plan to start working on myself and always keeping that as a main focus. As I used to always say...you never stop working on yourself. Working on me should never fall below the line. It should never take a backseat. 

Anxiety has been one of the toughest battles to date. But we can't let it control us or let it take control of our lives. I plan to live my best life possible and with a little balance along the way. Because balance is what makes my world go round.

TinyHumanTamer

Time

It's our biggest enemy yet arguably the most precious thing we have. 

Time works against us, for us, with us and is all around us. Funny enough, it's something we yearn for. And equally, it's something we despise.

Time has always seemed to come and go, but even more so now that my life has grown. Now that I have a family, time escapes my clutches faster than I can blink. I simply want it all to stop; stand still if you will. I want her first steps back. I want her to need me to hang on to when she was learning to walk. I want her first time she rolled over to play over and over again. I want to relive every single moment that has made my heart flutter with joy. Which is basically everyday since I found out I was pregnant with my Olivia. I tell my boyfriend everyday that she is growing too fast. Time is my enemy right now.

I take endless photos of every moment, while some moments are kept to store in my own memory. I call those my take it in memories. The moment she falls asleep on my chest. The moments she kisses me on the lips and giggles. The mornings in bed on weekends. I could go on and on.

I have found over time--that time itself is inevitable. It's terrible, it's selfish, and it's not always in our hands. All we can do is savor every moment of our lives. It's difficult to come to grasps with the concept of time and all its inglorious trials. But time with my Olivia is what I prayed for. Time with my family is what I have always longed for. 

The only injustice we could ever do to ourselves, is to waste time. I spend my days carefully enjoying the moments. I choose this over that, because it means more time with Olivia. I regret days wasted. 

Time is all we have in this world. And it will always be by your side, if you choose to let it be. 

TinyHumanTamer

Taming a tiny human

I find my new user name quite appropriate these days. My life changes everyday. It changes every week, and every month. Though there is consistency throughout, life with a tiny human calls for constant change. 

Olivia is 1 year and 2 months today and I can't believe how much she is changing. I try to take in every second. My brain is filled with countless memories and priceless moments. A couple weeks ago I had a blessing in disguise. During one of the hardest couple weeks of my life I had sort of a revelation. 

Both of my grandpa's passed away in the same week. Our family, on both sides, were grieving the loss of two great people with very long lived lives. During those two weeks, i was fortunate enough to be able to take time off from work to grieve. I was having a very difficult time with everything. But staying home meant having my Olivia with me all day long. And during these two weeks, she learned to walk and she learned to pick herself up when she fell, and she said a couple new words. The best part--I was there for these moments. This difficult time turned out to be sort of a blessing in disguise. I was able to be there for these special and one time moments. 

Now, as a working mother and devoted girlfriend to my gorgeous man, I am always occupied. Life is very busy. So I'm obsessed with being there for these moments if I am able to be. Like ridiculously obsessed. To the point where I have an internal meltdown if I'm not there. I know it seems crazy but my fellow working momma's will understand my sentiments. 

Life is a whirlwind. It's been crazy, but wonderful. I fully intend to start writing more now. I miss it with such a passion in my heart and my soul longs for the pen each day. I still have dreams of me sitting at that window, typing away, sipping on a latte and I'm at peace with everything. Seems simple enough. Yet so far away. 

I can honestly say being a full time working mom on a tiny human is a lot of work. And so is taming her. I may be the tiny human tamer, but my sweet Olivia tames me in so many wonderful ways. 

TinyHumanTamer